Collier County ‘Cat Burglar’ Turns Out to Be, Shockingly, a Cat

Collier County ‘Cat Burglar’ Turns Out to Be, Shockingly, a Cat 🐾🚔

COLLIER COUNTY, Fla. — In a stunning blow to Florida crime statistics and the English language itself, Collier County deputies say they have apprehended a cat burglar.

And for once, the headline is 100% accurate.

Deputies were dispatched to what was reported as a possible burglary in progress — the kind of call that usually ends with handcuffs, paperwork, and at least one very long sigh. Instead, they encountered Bones, a small black-and-white cat who was allegedly lurking suspiciously at the scene.

According to the sheriff’s office, Bones was “quickly detained,” proving once again that no suspect is too small, too fluffy, or too judgmental-looking to evade law enforcement.

The suspect was taken into custody without incident, though witnesses say Bones offered zero cooperation and maintained a facial expression described as “mildly annoyed but unbothered.”

🚨 BOOKED ON SUSPICION OF:

• Loitering with intent to nap

• Trespassing via tiny paws

• Being in the wrong place at the wrong time

• Excessive cuteness

Bones was transported to Collier County Domestic Animal Services for safekeeping and what officials described as “fur-ther questioning.” Authorities quickly discovered the alleged criminal was microchipped, prompting animal shelter staff to begin contacting his owner.

Deputies have not confirmed whether Bones will face charges, though legal experts say the case may fall apart once it becomes clear the suspect lacks opposable thumbs.

No items were reported stolen, except perhaps a little dignity and several hearts.

🐱 CASE STATUS: Closed
🐾 SUSPECT: Released to owner pending belly rubs
🚓 MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all cat burglars steal things. Some just wander in and mind their business.

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