🎭✨ Florida vs. Drag Shows: A Pretentious, Sarcastic, Emoji-Infused Chronicle of Democracy at Work™

by a drag queen named “Justitia Fierce” ☕🦩

🧐 Florida’s Grand Quest to Define “Lewdness”

Ah yes, 2023 — the year Florida bravely stood up and asked the question absolutely no one needed answered:

“What if we legislated the definition of ‘lewd’ using the Supreme Court’s vibes only test?”
🙋‍♂️✨📜

The so-called Protection of Children Act (aka: “We Promise This Definitely Isn’t About Drag, Look Over There!” Act) heroically attempted to shield kids from… prosthetic breasts?
👀🎭➡️🫠

You see, lawmakers didn’t say “drag shows,” but then immediately explained it was totally about drag shows.
Which is a bit like saying, “I didn’t eat your fries,” while holding the empty box and smelling like salt. 🍟🤥

Hamburger Mary’s — legendary purveyor of burgers, boas, and brunches that slap harder than humidity in July — said:
“Absolutely not, darling.” 💅🍔

They sued the state, arguing that the law was vague, overbroad, and could basically ban anything from Shakespeare to Lion King (“Are prosthetic hyena breasts lewd? Asking for a friend.”). 🦁🎭📚

⚖️ The Courts Step In: “No Thank You, Florida.”

In May 2025, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals essentially told the state:
“Sweetie, we need clarity, not Mad Libs.” 🤦‍♀️📘

The judges noted that terms like “lewd conduct” were so broad they could include:

• Ballroom dancing with too much enthusiasm 💃

• A spirited Target swimsuit commercial 👙

• Or your Uncle Randy’s shirtless barbecue behavior 🍖👨‍🦱🔥 (which truly should be illegal, but here we are)

The court blocked the law, reminding everyone that the First Amendment still exists — even in Florida, even on weekends. 🇺🇸✨

🔥 Plot Twist: Florida Wants a Do-Over

Just when you thought the story arc was complete, Florida looked at the injunction and said:
“Let’s run that back.” 🔁😤

The state is pushing to revive the ban, insisting it needs another shot at courtroom karaoke. 🎤⚖️
A full trial may be next — because nothing says “small government” like state-approved showtunes. 🎶🏛️

Meanwhile, the rest of the country watches like it’s a season finale of The Real Housewives of the 11th Circuit:
🍿 “Is the law unconstitutional?”
🍿 “Will drag brunch survive?”
🍿 “Who is she wearing?”

🌴 So What Does It All Mean for Florida?

For now:
🎉 Drag shows are still legal.
🎉 Kids can attend family-friendly performances.
🎉 No one is confiscating your wig glue.

But the legal saga continues, meaning Florida’s cultural tug-of-war may drag on (pun aggressively intended).

This isn’t just about drag performances — it’s about free expression, government overreach, community values, and whether lawmakers should be in charge of deciding which sequins are acceptable for public consumption. 🌈💬

Spoiler: they should not.

📝 Final Thought

Florida tried to control drag shows, but drag shows ended up controlling the discourse, the headlines, and the collective attention span of the state.

Somewhere, a drag queen in 7-inch heels is whispering:
“Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear fifteen pounds of contour and a lawsuit.” 💄⚔️👑💋