Big Pine Key,

In a bold and selfless act of economic stimulation, a 36-year-old woman from Pompano Beach has been arrested in Big Pine Key after allegedly spending over $1,000 on a stolen credit card. Officials say she was doing her part to “keep the Keys weird and retail afloat,” though unfortunately, the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office failed to appreciate her charitable spree.

Witnesses say the woman, whose name authorities have yet to release—but who will soon be famous in every Florida mugshot bingo game—embarked on a whirlwind tour of purchasing glory. Her exact shopping list remains sealed, but rumor has it she managed to hit every convenience store, tiki bar, and bait shop south of Marathon.

“She was like a credit card-fueled Robin Hood,” said one bewildered gas station clerk. “Only, you know, without the part where she gives anything to the poor.”

The Monroe County Sheriff's Office, always tragically behind on sarcasm, didn’t share the community’s enthusiasm. They arrested her instead—citing the quaint little statute known as “fraud,” because apparently identity theft is still technicallyillegal.

“She thought she could swipe her way through paradise without consequences,” said one officer. “Turns out paradise has a jail.”

Locals are mourning the loss of what could have been the most financially supportive tourist since spring break. “She was the economic boost we didn’t know we needed,” said one Big Pine resident. “Sure, it was someone else’s money, but still—it’s the thought that counts.”

Now facing multiple charges in Monroe County, the woman’s court date is pending. Legal analysts suggest she plead “guilty by virtue of helping out small businesses,” though most agree her lawyer will go with something less poetic, like “insanity.”

In the meantime, Big Pine Key merchants report a noticeable drop in sudden luxury spending. The party’s over, folks. But the legend of the Pompano Beach Card Bandit will live on—at least until someone else tries to buy a flatscreen at CVS.

#OnlyInFlorida #KeyCrimeSpree #RetailTherapyWithPerks.