Naples Heroically Raises Utility Rates Yet Again—Because Who Doesn’t Love Paying More for Water?

In a bold move no one asked for, the City of Naples has once again graced its residents with the privilege of paying more for basic necessities. Yes, your water bill is going up—again—by a whopping $46 a year. That’s right, for just the price of a modest dinner at a waterfront restaurant, you too can help keep the lights on at City Hall.

City officials, ever the visionaries, approved the hike with the noble goal of “supporting infrastructure improvements” and “rising operational expenses”—because apparently, pipes have started unionizing and demanding better wages.

“We understand this may be an inconvenience to some,” said a city spokesperson, while sipping artisanal espresso brewed with taxpayer-funded water. “But let’s remember, maintaining this city’s infrastructure isn’t free. Have you seen the pothole on 3rd Street? Neither have we, because it’s still there.”

Citizens were, naturally, thrilled. “Oh good, I was hoping my bill would go up again,” said local resident Linda Thomas, who now showers every other day in solidarity with the city’s financial burdens. “Honestly, I was worried they’d forget this year.”

To soften the blow, the city has graciously offered no additional services, no new perks, and no visible improvements. But don’t worry—they assure us things are happening behind the scenes, which is government-speak for you’ll never see it, but trust us.

In the meantime, residents are encouraged to conserve water, use candles, and maybe start harvesting rain in mason jars—just until the next “essential” rate increase rolls around.

Because nothing says “thriving community” quite like paying more for the same old thing.