Public Safety Notice Reminds Everyone That Naples Pridefest Might Be Dangerous... Because Rainbows Are Apparently Terrifying

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NAPLES, FL — In what can only be described as the public safety equivalent of clutching pearls in tactical gear, the Naples Police Department has graciously issued a dire-sounding “𝐏𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐂 𝐒𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐓𝐘 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄” ahead of Naples Pridefest on Saturday, June 7, 2025 — a celebration known for its radical acts of... singing, face-painting, and unapologetic glitter.

Yes, friends, from 11:00 AM to 4:00 PM, Cambier Park will be under siege — not by roving gangs or biblical plagues, but by several thousand individuals wielding rainbow flags and fierce eyeliner. Sounds intense, right?

But don’t worry. The Naples Police Department is on it. Their mission? To "𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬" and “maintain 𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞” — because, as everyone knows, spontaneous drag performances are one mascara smudge away from total anarchy.

The statement reminds the public — lest we forget in our delusional bliss — that while the First Amendment does allow you to peaceably assemble, express views, and protest (how generous!), it does not protect "𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐚𝐰𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭." Translation: wave your rainbow flag, but don't you dare jaywalk or sass an officer.

To ensure "safety" (and perhaps keep the moral fabric of Naples from unraveling into sequins), the city will deploy a “strong security presence.” Officers will roam the park like highly trained referees at a drag brunch, just itching to protect you from unsolicited positivity or spontaneous acts of Beyoncé choreography.

The police request — very calmly, very officially — that everyone:

• ✅ Avoid confrontation

• ✅ Respect everyone’s right to be there

• ✅ And, God forbid, do not obstruct local businesses (because Karen must get her latte in peace).

One cannot help but feel the spirit of Dr. King himself echoing through the subtext: “I have a dream... that someday, LGBTQ+ folks may wave their flags without needing a small army to protect their constitutional right to do so.”

So, to all Naples residents: brace yourselves. Lock your doors. Hide your pearls. Pridefest is coming — and with it, the gravest danger of all… tolerance.

Stay safe out there. And if you see something fabulous, say something.