🍕BREAKING NEWS: Marco Island Crowns Pizza Royalty in Closely Contested “Battle of the Cheese”🍕

🍕In what experts are calling “literally the most important democratic process of our time,” the people of Marco Island have spoken, and the results are in: Joey’s Pizza has been officially declared the Best Pizza on Marco Island with a staggering, overwhelming, landslide-ish 27% of the votes on Facebook. That’s right — more than one in four people were confident enough to click a button online. Democracy is alive and greasy!

With over 400 total votes cast — just shy of the population of a single mid-sized middle school — the competition was fierce. Close behind Joey’s, with an almost-equally heroic 23%, was Italian Deli, reminding everyone that meat and mozzarella still hold a powerful emotional grip on this island.

“This is the proudest moment of my life,” said a Joey’s employee while shredding parmesan over a customer’s slice with what could only be described as victory fervor. “All those years of burning the roofs of people’s mouths… it’s finally paid off.”

The remaining 50% of votes were mysteriously spread across a dozen other local pizzerias, including one guy who insists he makes the best pizza in his backyard with a Home Depot pizza oven and a dream. He received a heart emoji and two confused reacts.

“This is what happens when you let people vote without a slice in their mouth,” said one anonymous commenter, adding, “I voted for a place that closed in 2017. Still better than chain pizza.”

Political analysts (and by political, we mean pizza bloggers) are dissecting the results, which experts say represent a “clear mandate of mediocrity.” A full 73% of voters did not vote for Joey’s, but as anyone who's survived group decisions knows, plurality wins — especially when sauce is involved.

In response to the news, Marco Island Mayor’s office released a statement saying, “We didn’t sanction this election, but we fully support the people’s right to argue over pizza with unearned confidence.”

Plans for an official trophy presentation are currently underway. The proposed design? A golden crust with diamond pepperoni, enshrined in a glass case that smells faintly of oregano and generational pride.

Stay tuned as this story continues to develop — or until someone starts a Facebook poll for “Best Tacos on Marco Island,” which, if history is any indication, will surely be settled with just as much grace, decorum, and passive-aggressive comment threads.

— End of Crust-to-Crust Coverage 🍕