Marco Island Heroically Spends $11.5 Million on the Most Exciting Infrastructure Ever: Water Meters

Move over, moon landing. Step aside, Mona Lisa. Marco Island has just unleashed its masterpiece: an $11.5 million upgrade to water meters. Yes, water meters — those thrilling metal boxes that silently count your water usage and have all the charisma of a damp sponge.

Funded through the city’s Renewal, Replacement & Improvement (RR&I) Fund — because nothing says excitement like an acronym only an engineer could love — the project is part of the city’s audacious Ten-Year Water Supply Work Plan. A document so riveting, it's reportedly being used in local schools to replace melatonin.

The plan? Replace the island’s aging water meters with brand new ones that probably won’t leak or lie about how much water your 14-minute shower really used. The city promises that this won’t cost residents directly — unless, of course, you consider “utility rate adjustments” and “service fees” to be real money. Which, thankfully, most municipal budget writers do not.

As always, the city is being refreshingly vague about the details of who will pay what and when. But rest assured, they might eventually get around to telling residents how this $11.5 million miracle of measurement will hit their wallets. Or not. Who needs transparency when you've got brass valves and ultrasonic transmitters?

"It's not a fee, it's a feature," said one hypothetical official, possibly while blinking Morse code for “rate hike incoming.”

And don’t worry, homeowners! You're only responsible for the part of the water pipe that runs after the meter. The rest is all on the city — which will pay for it with money that came from...you. But don’t let that ruin your sleep. It's not a bill. It's a community hug in the form of upgraded utility tracking.

So let’s all raise a glass — of municipally metered, soon-to-be-digitally-tracked tap water — to the unsung heroes of our time: infrastructure investments so thrilling, they practically scream, “Local government at its most medium.”