BREAKING: Marco Island Citizens Compete for “Most Irresponsible Gun Owner” Title at Local Parks

​MARCO ISLAND, Fla. — In what appears to be a bold new twist on community engagement, residents of Marco Island have turned their local parks into Florida’s premiere venue for high-stakes games of "Lost and Loaded."

The City of Marco Island, clearly thrilled to be hosting this new Olympic-level event in carelessness, issued a groundbreaking advisory this week: “Hey, maybe don’t forget your gun next to the swing set.”

The first incident occurred on June 3, when a local pool shark at Mackle Park — apparently so exhilarated by a riveting game of billiards — left behind a bag containing something extra: a loaded firearm. Because nothing says “family recreation” quite like a game of cue ball followed by a casual game of Russian Roulette.

But wait — this wasn’t an isolated fluke. The city also recalled another impressive entry back in April, when someone graciously donated their firearm to the dog park. Presumably to allow Fido a shot at the Second Amendment, or maybe just to see what kind of damage a Labrador could do with a 9mm.

Thankfully, in both instances, the guns were turned in before anyone could win an impromptu Darwin Award. No injuries, just a mild existential crisis for anyone who thought parks were for children and not for misplacing deadly weapons.

City officials, while legally unable to ban firearms from parks due to Florida’s “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?” gun laws, are gently requesting that people maybe, possibly, consider not turning public playgrounds into makeshift armories.

“Parks are meant for kids, not Glock scavenger hunts,” a city spokesperson did not say, but probably thought very loudly.

So to all would-be John Wicks and forgetful firearms enthusiasts: if you absolutely must bring your gun to the park, try this revolutionary new technology called responsibility. Or, wild idea — maybe leave it at home and enjoy the slide without endangering everyone else.

Marco Island: where the sunshine is warm, the beaches are beautiful, and the parks are slightly less safe than a Florida man’s glove box.