Marco Island City Council Silences the Masses – But Not the Signs or the Salaries

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MARCO ISLAND, FL — In a dazzling display of priorities that would make even the most jaded cynic weep with admiration, the Marco Island City Council made the bold decision Monday night to crack down on noise – just not the kind coming from their own glowing new signs or growing paychecks.

In a meeting that truly had it all — contradictions, applause (but not too loud, please), and a splash of good old-fashioned government irony — the Council voted to tighten noise restrictions in the city. Because, obviously, the greatest threat to island serenity isn’t the blaring brightness of new electronic signs popping up like techno-tulips or the buzzing excitement over raises — it’s that rogue beach guitarist playing Wonderwall after 9 p.m.

With an unwavering sense of urgency, the Council moved to muzzle any unwanted decibels polluting the tropical air. Residents can now sleep soundly knowing the strumming of an acoustic guitar or the occasional backyard laugh won't intrude upon the sacred silence… right before they’re rudely awakened by a retina-melting digital sign promoting the next zoning meeting.

And speaking of good vibes, Council also approved four percent raises for city staff — because nothing says "fiscal responsibility" like boosting salaries right after telling everyone else to quiet down. The motion passed with a resounding 6-1 vote. The lone dissenter, Chairman Erik Brechnitz, was presumably the only one not clapping — quietly, of course.

One might ask: is this the dawn of a new, quieter Marco Island? Or just a masterclass in selective volume control?

Either way, residents can now enjoy the hum of electronic signage and the distant sound of money being well-earned — all while keeping their own conversations at a whisper. Just don’t cheer too loudly about it.