Collier County Heroically Saves Wetlands From the Burden of Nature, Approves 750 Apartments Instead

In a truly groundbreaking move (literally), the Collier County Board of Commissioners has boldly stepped up to say, “You know what this pristine wetland needs? Concrete.” In December 2024, the Board voted to approve a visionary plan by the Gulf Bay Group of Companies to replace a 49.9-acre parcel of land—formerly set aside for frivolous things like “recreation” and “ecological preservation”—with 750 gleaming apartment units.

A full 30% of these units are being generously labeled "affordable housing," which, in developer-speak, means they’re slightly less unaffordable than their luxury counterparts. Critics may scoff, but hey, who needs biodiversity when you can have “coastal-inspired open-concept floorplans”?

The land in question, affectionately known as Section 29, had been rudely hoarding its natural splendor—functioning as a wildlife corridor, flood mitigator, and refuge for several endangered species, including the Florida panther, bonneted bat, and wood stork. But don’t worry: the county saw through nature’s selfish charade and courageously re-zoned the area. After all, you can’t put a price on habitat destruction, unless you're selling condos.

The new development will also sit adjacent to both the Collier-Seminole State Park and Rookery Bay Reserve, two remaining bastions of biodiversity that are just begging for some scenic views of backhoes and chain-link fencing. Local residents raised concerns about flooding, traffic, and, you know, the irreversible loss of ecosystems—but the Commissioners wisely limited public comment and nudged the meeting along. Efficiency!

“I’m just so glad we’re doing something useful with this land instead of letting it sit around absorbing floodwater and housing endangered species,” said one imaginary official while sipping a soy latte made from groundwater runoff.

Meanwhile, environmental groups are reportedly “concerned” about the project, citing things like “science” and “federal law.” But the developer has a solution: they plan to mitigate the damage by protecting another area they weren't going to develop anyway. Plus, they’re purchasing something called “mitigation credits,” which, as everyone knows, are basically eco-karma points you can buy to clear your conscience while bulldozing wetlands.

So let’s raise a toast to progress, Naples-style. Who needs green space when you can have asphalt, and who needs wildlife when you can have Wi-Fi?

Congratulations, Collier County. You’ve officially paved the way for the future—right over the panther’s last remaining trail.