Fort Myers Beach, FL — In a stunning display of ecological bravado, a self-proclaimed Iguana Removal Team captured a whopping 68 iguanas at a historic site on Fort Myers Beach, presumably saving local sunbathers from the tyranny of sunbathing lizards and harmless head-bobs. Cheers erupted (in their own heads) as the team posed triumphantly beside a pile of confused reptiles, because nothing says environmental stewardship like forcibly evicting wildlife from their naturalized habitats.
According to reports, the iguanas were peacefully existing — a radical act in Florida — when the team swooped in, armed with nets, oversized gloves, and a complete disregard for irony.
“This is a major win for the community,” said one team member while holding an iguana that looked like it just wanted to go back to eating bougainvillea. “These guys are invasive, and they poop. On stuff. And that’s unacceptable in Florida — where our native animals only poop respectfully.”
Meanwhile, 1,200 miles south, Costa Rica, a country famous for its minor quirks like protecting all living animals, reportedly raised an eyebrow. In Costa Rica, removing an iguana would be not only illegal but treated as an ecological felony, punishable by fines, public shame, and possibly being forced to plant trees until you cry.
“They removed 68 iguanas?” said a Costa Rican park ranger, nearly spitting out his sustainably sourced coffee. “Why? Did they insult someone’s lawn?”
In Costa Rica, iguanas are treated with the same reverence as ancient gods — not because they’re divine, but because all life is considered worthy of respect. A concept apparently as foreign in some parts of the U.S. as using turn signals.
Ecologists around the world watched the iguana roundup unfold like a reality show nobody asked for.
“It’s like ‘Crocodile Hunter’ meets HOA drama,” one biologist commented. “They’re invasive, sure — but so are most Florida retirees. We don’t round them up.”
As for the fate of the 68 iguanas? Reports claim they were “humanely euthanized” — a phrase that here means turned into statistics in a spreadsheet. But don’t worry, they didn’t suffer long; just decades of evolving in a foreign ecosystem before being deemed unfit for the beachgoer aesthetic.
Back in Costa Rica, locals lit a candle for each lizard and continued building wildlife corridors.
As for Florida? Officials say the next target may be peacocks, armadillos, or anything else that dares to exist freely outdoors without paying rent.
Stay tuned. And if you’re an iguana reading this: run.